Thursday, October 2, 2014

Watch Me Destroy Your Childhood Memories Pt. 1- The Wizard of Oz

This is the inauguration of a series I will introduce in my blog called “Watch Me Destroy Your Childhood Memories”. The first memory I will destroy is one you hold onto fondly, The Wizard of Oz.

The Wizard of Oz is evil, abhorrent, and what would be a child’s rendition of a James Bond/Bourne film. Here, we have the relatable protagonist Dorothy who is thrown into the midst of chaos when a natural disaster strikes. Her family decides to abandon her to the wrathful clutches of nature instead of clinging to the hope that she may get to their shelter before the tornado hits *(for she did have time to knock and scream on the door before running inside). This only shows that her family, large and seemingly caring at the end, decided not to wait til the last second in the hopes they’d find her.

 Despite her shunning family, Dorothy does find shelter and gets skull bashed by a window screen. When everything settles down, she discovers that she is in some weird land full of midgets. She is simple minded enough to believe that she has traveled across an entire state, instead of reasonably thinking that she has just been thrown into the next municipal district, from the obviously manicured roads that are lacking in her hometown, which are largely comprised of dirt.

Anywho, Glenda the “Good” Witch of the North frames Dorothy for murder my magically placing slippers on her. Not only does she frame her in front of an entire city who goes along with it clearly because they are under duress, but she does so in front of the victim’s family *(i.e. Wicked Witch of the West), who only arrived to claim the Ruby Slippers that were obviously a sentimental heirloom to the family.  Dorothy is blamed, thanks to Glenda, for the Wicked Witch of the East’s murder and sworn vengeance/justice on. No doubt, the real culprit behind the murder is Glenda, who caused the tornado to tear Dorothy away from her family so that Glenda could manicure her into an unwilling assassin on a mission to take out the Wicked Witch of the West as the only way to get home.

Along the way, the forced *(soon to be tasked) assassin known as Dorothy uses her charismatic powers to manipulate and deceive others to believe that their problems, which are likely highlighted by serious underlying medical conditions, can be cured by the Wizard of Oz. Where did she get this information? Glenda, the orchestrator of chaos and murder.

When they finally arrive to Oz, they are tasked with murdering the witch. It is only when they seek out the Witch to murder her that she physically retaliates in self defense, imprisoning Dorothy. Yet, she is so controlled by Glenda’s influence that she still refuses to give up what is not rightfully hers- the Ruby Slippers.

So, the others storm her castle to jailbreak Dorothy, despite having committed grand larceny, breaking and entering, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (the tinman’s axe), conspiracy to murder, and no doubt countless other felony charges. When they enter the Witch’s home, it is then, before the eyes of her own constituents and  under her own roof, they murder her. Why? To steal more family heirlooms *(the Witch’s broom).

When they return to Oz with their prize, they discover that they were had, but are satisfied with metaphorical gifts for some ill-begotten reason. Glenda shows up when Oz escapes persecution for his political crimes. She tells Dorothy that she has had the power to go home all along, proving that Glenda manicured Dorothy into a deadly assassin like the hit 2010 spy film, Salt. When Dorothy is gone, who is left to rule Oz? Glenda, with the Ruby Slippers and magical broom she so desperately wanted, to combine the powers of the most "evil" beings ever known to the world of Oz. It is in this way that she can begin her tyrannical reign after extorting an innocent farm girl to be an assassin, co-conspirating to espionage with Oz, orchestrating a destructive path of serial killing, and overthrowing national government to become the ultimate totalitarian dictator.

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